If I had one wish, I’d wish for a billion dollars. I used to wish for a million, but that was before inflation. Now it’s a billion.

But if I had two wishes, I’d wish my kids had snooze buttons.


I’m not a morning person. In fact, my brain doesn’t activate until right around 10:00. This is unfortunate since I have to be at work by 8:00. My children, however, believe in rising with the sun. Scratch that. They believe in rising before the sun. And they believe that pre-dawn darkness is the perfect time to wake me up because they’re “starving” and it’s “to death”.


I usually stumble blindly out of bed, feel around for a box of cereal, pour it into a bowl and feed it to them dry as a snack. Then I collapse face down on my bed, praying to all that is holy I might sleep until at least 6:00. I thought this was going to my life until they were old enough to make their own breakfast and leave me to my bed.


Then I visited Peryl.


I discovered she’s actually taught her children to make simple breakfasts before the age of ten.


She’s obviously a genius.


On the way home from her house, I stopped at the store and picked up bagels and frozen waffles. Tomorrow, I’ll begin Make Your Own Breakfast 101. By next week, I’m hoping I will have magically found the snooze button.