I'd love to have another baby (as everyone knows at this point). The sweet baby smell. The couch time cuddles. The excitement of all those firsts. The opportunity to be a mom to more than one precious child. The thought of making Mason a big brother. It's all so irresistible, and I think about it constantly. But here's the thing: pregnancy was super rough on my marriage the first time around. What if another (successful) pregnancy was even harder on us and we struggled even more to keep our relationship on track?
There's no way to sugar coat this: Pregnancy made me a crazy b*tch the first time around. I obsessed about every possible thing that could go wrong. (Ironically the pregnancy that I didn't worry about was the one that wasn't meant to be.) I was also so sick for most of my pregnancy that I was hospitalized (twice), and developed terrible insomnia…which made me more than a little miserable to be around. And did I mention the depression and anxiety that came with all of it? Nightmare.
Fun Heather, the pre-preggo Heather who went out five times a week and loved to entertain, was gone. My pregnancy self was totally different–highly emotional, sick as a dog, isolated, and completely caught up in cold, hard reality of a difficult pregnancy. My husband, on the other hand, was the same old guy–life for him hadn't changed yet. Except, of course, for the fact that his wife was no longer the same person he had been married to for seven years.
My husband dealt with it the best he could. Oftentimes, he was out of town working. Maybe even avoiding me. That probably sounds a little harsh–he did have a legitimate reason to be working out of town–but there may have been one or two trips out of town that weren't absolutely necessary. And you know what? I don't blame him at all. In fact, that distance probably saved our marriage.
I vowed to change my ways the next time around–at least the parts I could control (like the excessive worrying). And I succeeded with that goal when I got pregnant last summer. As soon as I got that positive test, I got into a Zen frame of mind. I didn't Google complications, I tried not to let the suckiness of morning sickness consume me (really, it was much less awful than the first time around so this one wasn't difficult), and I thought nothing but positive thoughts. I did exactly what I should have done the first time around…but unfortunately that pregnancy ended in miscarriage.
Now I'm focusing on the third time around. Here's to hoping we'll be blessed with a healthy baby again, just like we were when we had our sweet Mason–and things aren't so rough this time around. But if they are, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we can get through it. I'm counting on the fact that we're stronger than ever now, particularly after our shared experience of raising a child together.
Did you have a tough pregnancy? How did you keep it from affecting your marriage?